Hi there! I am Julie Kimock.
I've battled low self-esteem, bad relationships, stress, anxiety, comparison, exhaustion, and depression, but let me tell you friends, I have climbed this mountain to show you that it can be climbed.
After graduating college in 2007, I hopped through seven jobs until the day I finally left it all to become a full time mom. Yes, SEVEN!
I never wanted to be a stay at home mom, but the truth is that I believed that If I just stayed at home with my kids, no one could make me feel bad. If I just stayed at home, I could escape the feelings of comparison, lack, failure, and criticism. I thought hiding would fix my problems, but motherhood wasn't enough for me, and eventually those problems found their way into my life anyways.
In each of my jobs, there was a defining moment...someone didn't give me the feedback I was hoping for, someone else got a job I thought I "deserved", or I didn't quite meet the expectations of a supervisor on a particular project.
Each incident wasn't anything earth shattering, and arguably pretty common, but any perceived failure wasn't just something I could improve upon, it was a direct reflection of who I was as a human being and I couldn't handle the shame and embarrassment I would subsequently feel.
Rather than stay and overcome whatever was bothering me, it was easier for me to leave...it was easier on my ego if I blamed "them" and just found another job...someone who "could appreciate and validate the hard work I was putting in". This would play out time and time again no matter where I went, like clockwork.
Somewhere along the way, it was instilled in me that my worth sat in the hands of other people. I craved their validation and when I didn't get it, it crushed me. I am an incredibly hard worker. I am smart, and determined, and I am a quick learner, but because I had no internal self-worth, because my negative thoughts ruled my life, I bounced from job to job. I was waiting for someone to hand me confidence. I was waiting for someone to fix something that was broken inside of me. I was waiting for something external to heal something internal, and friends, that's not how it works.
So many of us live in that victim mentality. We tell ourselves over and over that life is happening TO us instead of FOR us and therefore develop a sense of resentment and frustration for the lives we lead. My thoughts told me that I had to be PERFECT in order to be worthy and my thoughts told me that other people's successes meant my failures. I lost so many friendships because of it and to be completely transparent, I lost a lot of jobs as well.
Because I couldn't manage my emotions, because I couldn't handle difficult conversations, because I couldn't handle other people's success and because I had such little self-worth, it didn't matter how smart I was or how hard working I was...I was never going to be able to hold down a job. My inability to grow and thrive in a company, in my life, was MY FAULT, not theirs. And until I changed, I'd never have the life I so desperately longed for.
I lived with a scarcity mindset. I believed the thought that there wasn't room for me. I believed the thought that I wasn't enough. I believed the thought that I wasn't worthy, and those thoughts quickly turned into resentment, frustration, and anger. I met every perceived failure with defensiveness out of embarrassment and shame, and had dug a hole so deep that the only way to feel a moment of peace was to blame and point the finger.
Placing the blame on "them" was so much easier than the alternative. It spared my ego and my pride, but not much else.
Change is an inside job and it takes guts, bravery, and an uncomfortable amount of honesty and vulnerability.
We live in a world of abundance, and when you take accountability for your life and the role you play, the doors to contentment, worthiness, joy, and fulfillment open up wide.
There is ALWAYS time to change, grow, expand, and rise. Who you were then does not define who you will be for the rest of your life. YOU are your biggest roadblock. Fear is your largest hurdle. You just have to get out of your own way.
Let me help you take down your walls. Let me show you that there is strength in honesty and authenticity, and let me show you how to take control of your thoughts so that they stop controlling you. Let me help you discover that inner self-confidence and worth that you will need to succeed not only at work, but in your relationships as well.
Are you ready for change? Are you ready to take accountability?